The one about pockets.

I bought a dress the other day.  Hardly mind blowing, revolutionary stuff really, but bear with me.  I’ve started working again, and occasionally I want to do stuff like frocking up and looking like a human, rather than something that crawled out of suburbia, got dragged through a couple of hedges on the way and lost an argument with a couple of sassy 4 year olds that morning.  But enough about everyday life.

I bought a dress.  I’m very proud of this fact.  It was one of the first I’ve bought post babies, and I got excited about getting something new.  It’s something I own that I didn’t buy on a clearance rack because hey, it’s just going to be puked/boogered/stained on anyway.  I actually owned something NEW!  Without STAINS!  And I looked like a functioning member of society in it!

As you can see from this picture – it’s not overly remarkable.  It’s pretty, it’s comfortable, and it looks ok on.  It’s light enough for summer, and still has enough sleeve to pass for a colder season.

All in all, it’s a dress I can wear to work.  I found it on a great website we have here called BonPrix – cheapish clothes, great prices and no, I’m not making any money from that link.   I also got excited for one reason about this dress … and that is because it has 2 zippered pockets on the dress.

Finding a dress with pockets is an incredible thing.  I mean seriously, I’m a mum.  Pockets are a valuable commodity for me!  I can store stuff in them and not have to carry it!  It’s a stashing point for my crap!  It’s awesome! How can you go wrong in a day when your dress has pockets.

Feeling pretty awesome, I decided that today was the day I was going to wear my dress to the office.  I got up, had coffee, kissed everyone goodbye and trotted off down the road in my fabulous new dress and favourite shoes.  I was going to add some glamour to my day with my incredibly pretty new dress.  With pockets.  How awesome were those pockets?

I sent selfies to my friends in my dress!  I thought I was awesome!

Seriously, imagine a little Mary Tyler Moore moment in the street – except I didn’t have a hat to toss!  I felt freakingly adultyawesome in my dress and noone was going to stop me today…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f00ujtK3B5s

And then, the reality.

I had been dudded.

The fashion industry had clearly decided that my awesome new dress did not deserve real pockets.

Like a fool, I undid the metal zipper on one side and tried to put my train pass into that pocket.  It slid to the floor.  As I’m naturally clumsy and thought maybe I missed the slot of the pocket – I tried again, and of course, failed.

WHO PUTS A METAL ZIPPER ON A FAKE POCKET??

And more to the point – WHY A FAKE POCKET??

Who thought it was a great design to put a fake pocket in women’s clothing?

Seriously – this isn’t the first time I’ve encountered the fake pocket, and probably won’t be the last- but why on earth do women’s clothes have these pointless fake pockets? Do women not use pockets like men?  Are we not worthy of pockets?  So many questions!

Disappointed in my new purchase, I now had to find my wallet to put away my train pass, and work out what the hell I was going to do now my awesome dress had no functioning pockets.  I resorted back to that other standby, of course – the Mary Poppins Handbag ;).

And of course, life wasn’t done with me quite yet today.  No, after ripping my pockety dreams away from me, it decided to deal one last crippling blow.

The sole and heel fell off my favourite shoes.

Thanks life.  I’m going to go get a gin and tonic now.

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